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everything that keeps us together is falling apart

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Dec. 8th, 2010 | 03:29 pm
hearing: Boats and Birds - Gregory and the Hawk

Well. It's been interesting.

School is really beginning to suck the will to live out of my brain and I've honestly been nothing but miserable since this semester started, and this has been a long time coming. I've always hated school. My only incentive to do well in it was so that I could get the hell out of there faster. I do like to learn and listen to lectures, but that's really the extent of it. I guess it used to be easier to deal with, but now I don't really have anywhere to go that I can really call home to go and get away from everything. It's just constant, and I really can't take it anymore.

I've probably failed this semester of school and I don't think I've felt so good in a long time. I still intend to graduate at some point, but I'm not going to kill myself over doing everything on time anymore. I don't care anymore. All I see every day is people complaining about how much work they have and stressing themselves to the point of sickness. It's not worth it.

Heading to the doctor's with my mom today. I should leave soon, actually. Disappointed in myself for putting this off so long and probably needing pills to be happy. I know there's no shame in it -- lots of people are like that. It just sucks that that's what life is like.

I'm really tired of college. I think it would be better if I lived off of campus -- but living home isn't an option either. I'd like to get an apartment or something, but I don't really feel responsible enough to do that. I'm not sure what to do from here on out or what's going to happen. All I can do for the moment is sit and wait.

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