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it's clouded, what we know

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Dec. 23rd, 2010 | 01:50 pm
feeling: okayokay
hearing: Fin Song 8 (orange river remix) - Gregory and the Hawk

School is out, thankfully. As for my grades, I'm quite certain I failed probably a couple of classes. Towards the end it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed, and so I finally just resolved myself to stop worrying about things. The doctor gave me anti depressants, but I ended up having a pretty bad reaction to it. Between the weather and how weak it made me, I wasn't able to even go to class for the last three days of classes. At first I thought I was just getting used to the pills, but then I started coming down with a fever, so I stopped taking them and felt much better the next day. Doctorman gave me another kind instead and so far I've been okay physically, though I haven't really been taking them long enough to see any affect other than that.

I guess I've been better since I've been out of school, but I attribute that a lot less to the schoolwork and more to the environment. I really hate it there -- and it's nice to be home. It helps that gram isn't here right now either -- she got put into the hospital for weakness/pain and is currently in rehab in a nursing home. It's a lot less stress for everyone here, and she can get the care she actually needs there, so it is kind of a good thing. Nick is still a source of -- well, dickishness. As usual he continues to act rude and not do anything under the pretense that he's working so he doesn't have to, and continually tells me that I never do anything. I don't have a job and I know it can't really compare, but I have done a lot to help out mom in terms of housework and the like. Mama appreciates it, and she acknowledges that Nick has been being an asshole, so I'm trying not to let that bother me too much.

It's been pretty quiet since I've been home, thankfully. Alone during the day so I do some housework and whatnot while everyone is gone, then usually hang out with mama or go visit gram in the evening. I don't have much to do at night and nothing has really been appealing to me, so I've just kind of been lazing around. I stay up late enough to at least say good night to Keith. I can't really stay up past two at the latest anymore, and most nights I want to be in bed before midnight. I can't seem to get myself up early though -- I think my bed is too comfy. I need more willpower.

I did go shopping with mama the other day to get some presents and the like. It was nice to just wander around the mall and talk with her again, it seems like it's been forever since we did that. I never really realize how much I miss mama until I see her again after a while of not being able to. I spent a fortune in teavana -- mostly on presents, but I did get myself some herbal tea that I've been waiting for them to get in stock for about half a year. it's delicious, and it's really cheap too. the store is also hiring -- I wish that I lived closer. if they need help this summer then I'll probably apply anyways.

Guess that I've still felt a little lonely lately. Not sure why. I'm just trying to keep myself a little busy to keep my mind off of it though. I guess I should go get some housework done.

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