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when it's lovin', it's leanin' towards being alone

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Jan. 14th, 2011 | 03:39 am
hearing: Soulgazing - Gregory and the Hawk

Turns out I had a prolonged but still pretty bad reaction to prozac too, just like I did with the lexapro I was on. Doctorman said that I should stay on it and see if it wears off, and I probably should, but I stopped taking it. It just made me sleep more and it wasn't helping at all. I probably needed a stronger dose, but with school starting soon, I'm just not willing to keep dealing with all that crap.

Not much has been happening lately, as usual. Some shopping with mama here and there, sadly I am becoming more enthusiastic about clothes shopping. I haven't played wow very much, despite the new expansion. I can't seem to get into it really, aside from the occasional pvp. I really miss playing console games lately, but I don't have any space to play them here. I've been reading a lot of books though. Pops got me a kindle and $100 gift card for kindle books for christmas, so I've been plowing through books. I just finished the fifth Nightrunner book tonight, and I've read some wow books and some other fantasy ones. Still have a wow book I borrowed from Slowbro to read, and plenty more to read. I don't really know what other kind of good fantasy books are out there. I asked people for suggestions and got nothing in response, so I guess I should go mulling around a bookstore soon.

Things are okay with Keith. He's still very sweet and caring, but I'm afraid I might be losing interest. I really don't want a relationship right now with the way I've been, and I'm supposed to go see him this weekend. I feel more dread than excitement, though that may have something to do with the weather conditions lately. He's just so excited to see and I'm just... not. It's not that I don't like him or don't care about him, it's just that it feels like something is missing. I almost feel upset at myself for that, because I finally have someone who is, essentially, everything I want in a relationship -- and it's not good enough? I know sometimes people don't have the right chemistry, but...

Still just feeling sort of depressed lately. I sleep a lot, though I try not to. I spend time with Keith until he has to go to work, then do housework for mama. I go visit grandma with her. I come back home and read, spend more time with Keith, and then I go to bed... The whole break has been like that, and it's not bad. Things are okay, but it's so delicately balanced. It doesn't take much at all to throw me off. I'm not looking forward to school at all -- I don't want to go back. The only good thing about it is that I'll get to see Slowbro more often, but that's about the extent of it.

I don't know if I'll be able to sleep, but I probably should try.

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